Quantum Bayesian Networks

December 15, 2012

The CERN Mutiny

Filed under: Uncategorized — rrtucci @ 6:41 am

bogart-caine-mutiny-monologueA monologue from the film The Caine Mutiny (1954).

(Captain Queeg, a SUSY Theorist, removes the steel balls from his pocket and spins them insistently in his hands as he speaks.)

Queeg (Humphrey Bogart):
No, I, I don’t see any need of that. Now that I recall, he might have said something about messboys (messy theories) and then again he might not — I questioned so many men and Harding was not the most reliable officer.

Lt. Greenwald (Jose Ferrer):
I’m afraid the defense has no other recourse than to produce (experimentalist) Lt. Harding.

Queeg:
Now there’s no need for that. I know exactly what he’d tell you, lies. He was no different from any other officer (experimentalist) in the ward room, they were all disloyal. I tried to run the ship properly, by the book, but they fought me at every turn. The (CERN) crew wanted to walk around with their shirt tails hanging out, that’s all right, let them. Take the tow line (LHC), defective equipment, no more, no less. But they encouraged the crew to go around scoffing at me, and spreading wild rumors about steaming in circles (circular theories) and then old yellow stain (in my pants). I was to blame for (Experimentalist) Lt. Maryk’s incompetence and poor seamanship (computer programming skills). Lt. Maryk was the perfect officer(physicist), but not Captain Queeg. Ah, but the strawberries Higgs, that’s, that’s where I had them, they laughed at me and made jokes, but I proved beyond the shadow of a doubt, and with geometric logic, that a duplicate key to the ward room icebox (a natural SUSY theory that fitted their data) did exist, and I’ve had produced that key(SUSY theory) if they hadn’t pulled the Caine (LHC) out of action. I, I know now they were only trying to protect some fellow officer (their bacon). … Naturally, I can only cover these things from memory. If I left anything out, why, just ask me specific questions and I’ll be glad to answer them, one by one.

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3 Comments »

  1. Lol!

    Comment by Sankalp Ghatpande — January 4, 2013 @ 5:56 am

  2. Reblogged this on kryptomusing and commented:
    Quite Humorous!

    Comment by Sankalp Ghatpande — January 4, 2013 @ 5:57 am

  3. Thanks Sankalp. Humphrey Bogart looks really worried in that picture, don’t you think so? As if he had just flunked his finals or eaten a plate of bad oysters.

    Comment by rrtucci — January 4, 2013 @ 6:20 am


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