Quantum Bayesian Networks

September 17, 2015

Universal Studios in Final Negotiations to Buy Caltech

Filed under: Uncategorized — rrtucci @ 10:31 pm

Caltech university is about a 30 minute drive from Universal Studios in Los Angeles. And ever since Richard Feynman and Murray Gell-mann left it, Caltech has decided to double its activities in the entertainment industry. So it came as no surprise to us when we heard that Universal Studios was in the final stages of negotiations with John Preskill to buy Caltech from him. We here at TMZ immediately moved into action and sent one of our ersatz reporters to query a top executive at Universal about the matter. Here is what the executive had to say:

We had to move quickly before Disney grabbed them. This science bunkum stuff is a very hot commodity right now. When we heard that Disney was considering revamping their unbearably sweet pavilion “It’s a small world” and replacing it by a pavilion called “It’s a Many Worlds”, featuring a sing-along led by Sean Carroll, we moved quickly to preempt them. That Sean Carroll sing-along, we just had to have it for Universal Studios!

Caltech is already quite a powerhouse in the entertainment field:

They have their own fashion designer Spiros Michalakis that produces the manly Spiros Hoodie.

In the addictive games for young vulnerable children department, they produce their own modification of MineCraft called QCraft.

In the advertising department, they are awesome too. Their Twitter accounts @preskill and @QIM_Caltech are manned 24/7 by John Preskill, and, rarely, by someone else. Also they hired their own in-house cartoonist (phdcomics.com) to produce some primo YouTube videos that publicize John’s institute. I don’t think any quantum institute pays more for publicity except maybe IQC in Waterloo.

In the book publishing industry, they have the lucrative Feynman memorabilia franchise, and they are grooming the budding Kitaev franchise as we speak.

In the intentional science fiction field, they are pulling in top dollar doing consulting for the sci fi movie industry. All the science bunkum in the movies Interstellar and Ant-Man is due to them. And of course, they also excel in the unintentional science fiction field.

It’s true that they failed badly, $500M down the drain, with the LIGO experiment, but Universal Studios is exhilarated that they failed. Universal is planning to convert LIGO into the most awesome roller-coaster ride ever. Imagine it. We are going to insert into that linear pipe a magnetically levitated, 2 passenger capsule sled. The inside of the pipe will be in near vacuum so that sled is going to reach a speed of a few Machs. We plan to brake the ride with some humongous bungee cords.

The Caltech amusement park is going to be serviced entirely by postdocs. It’s true, the current crop of Caltech postdocs is subpar in terms of the required intelligence and good looks (look at their embarrassing blog posts!), but we plan to replace them gradually by some beautiful and brainier Valley girls in roller skates and mini-skirts. We might also hire some of the hotter looking babes in #quantumwoman Thank God those guys are so thoughtful to show pictures of them. That is so important when hiring women scientists.

ligo-far
LIGO amusement ride, coming soon to Universal Studios. Eat your heart out, Disney and Las Vegas.
450px-Northern_leg_of_LIGO_interferometer_on_Hanford_Reservation

4 Comments »

  1. Pow! You sure got them good Bob! That’ll teach them for rejecting your application all those decades ago.

    Comment by Max Born — September 18, 2015 @ 8:53 pm

  2. You must mean the time I applied to work at Universal Studios and they rejected me. It still hurts after all these years.

    Comment by rrtucci — September 18, 2015 @ 9:32 pm

  3. Ha Ha Bob! Looks like LIGO’s first gravity wave detection occurred 4 days prior to your little joke. Coincidence? I think not. I think Preskill arranged this to make you look stupid, that basterd!

    Comment by Max Born — February 11, 2016 @ 7:19 pm

  4. It’s an impressive achievement. I eat crow.

    PS. I still think Caltech and other universities spend a large fraction of their NSF research funds in publicity.

    Comment by rrtucci — February 11, 2016 @ 8:35 pm


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