Quantum Bayesian Networks

October 30, 2016

Halloween Story: Beware the Super Boson Sampler, my son

Filed under: Uncategorized — rrtucci @ 2:28 am

Scary things seem to occur in the month of October, and even at the beginning of Nov, at least up to Nov. 8. Therefore, most years I write a special Halloween post for this blog to report on some of those things. This year, scary things have occurred in all areas of human endeavor (European and American politics, Syrian war, Zika, etc.). They have even occured in the area of quantum computing…One event of this kind that should be particularly vexing to all true Texan patriots is the imminent completion of the Super Boson Sampler.

The Super Boson Sampler, aka the Desertron, is a quantum computing TIME PORTAL device being built secretly by the NSA in Waxahachie Texas. The Director of the Desertron lab and original proponent of the device, Prof. Scott Aaronson of UT Austin, is being favorably compared to Robert Oppenheimer, director of the Los Alamos Laboratory during the Manhattan project.

Once it becomes operational before the end of this year, the Super Boson Sampler will be ten times more powerful than CERN’s Large Hadron Collider, another quantum computing time portal device, one that was designed as a precursor small scale toy model for the Super Boson Sampler.

Here is a picture, leaked to the press by a group that calls itself the Texan Freedom Fighters, of the Super Boson Sampler.


Rumor has it that the device is currently charging up, and that it will become fully operational one day after the American presidential election on Nov 8, probably with the intention of post-rigging the election in case things don’t work out for Hillary.

Here is one of many articles on the internet in which Prof. Aaronson explains his theory of time travel. According to that theory, the Super Boson Sampler will allow its users to travel backwards in time.

Quantum Aaronson Supremacy
is the belief held by some, including Aaronson himself, that the universe rotates around a fixed point called Computational Complexity Theory. Extended Quantum Aaronson Supremacy is the belief, also held by Aaronson, that that fixed point is Prof. Aaronson himself.

Recently Prof. Aaronson was flown to the White House, along with a large bunch of other highly placed quantum computing politicians, to give a very definitive FIVE MINUTE talk. I can see how that was a totally justifiable use of government resources. As Abraham Lincoln said: “Government of the rich elites, by the rich elites, for the rich elites, shall not perish from the Earth”.

Here is a small excerpt of his speech. We copy and pasted this excerpt from this blog post by Prof. Aaronson. Then our editor added the string ‘[Aaronson]’ in 2 places to facilitate comprehension by the reader. Prof. Aaronson is very confident that his ideas are golden. In fact, he is already comparing his achievements to the discovery of the Higgs Boson and the Fermi pile

If I have any policy advice, it’s this: recognize that a clear demonstration of quantum [Aaronson] supremacy is at least as big a deal as (say) the discovery of the Higgs boson. After this scientific milestone is achieved, I predict that the whole discussion of commercial applications of quantum computing will shift to a new plane, much like the Manhattan Project shifted to a new plane after Fermi built his pile under the Chicago stadium in 1942. In other words: at this point, the most “applied” thing to do might be to set applications aside temporarily, and just achieve this quantum [Aaronson] supremacy milestone—i.e., build the quantum computing Fermi pile—and thereby show the world that quantum computing speedups are a reality. Thank you.


  1. Hi, Robert. Your online snarking about me has seemed to border on the obsessive lately. Do you have actual technical or policy arguments against the views I expressed, other than “he think he all that”? If you did, I’d certainly consider them. Incidentally, you say I was “flown to the White House,” but they actually made all the workshop participants pay for all travel expenses themselves. (Admittedly, most of us probably did so from federal grants, but that just pushes the question back to whether you oppose the grant system itself.) Anyway, what would you have done here: should I have turned down a request to discuss quantum computing at the White House? Or for the sake of humility, etc., should I have gone but not blogged about it? But then couldn’t you have accused me of “behind-the-scenes wheeling and dealing”? Isn’t it preferable to try to be 100% open about what I believe and why?

    Comment by scottaar2 — November 1, 2016 @ 7:24 am

  2. Scott, I like to do satire, like Jon Stewart or SNL. I am a million times worse at it than those 2 examples, but I do it anyway, like an amateur painter or musician practices his hobby for personal enjoyment, although he fully realizes that he sucks at it and always will, compared to the masters.

    I think that a satirist does his best work if he writes about the issues that preoccupy him/her, and for me and this blog, that means quantum computing, and you are certainly a distinguished and accomplished figure in that area.

    That being said, there are some issues that you raise that I think are important but I would never discuss them in public with you. Alas, I harbor little hope that we will ever discuss them in private either, because, as you may remember, the last time I sent email to you, the conversation didn’t go very far.

    Comment by rrtucci — November 1, 2016 @ 11:32 am

  3. This is an auspicious sign for you Scott. About a year ago Bob did one of his big snarks about LIGO, and they found their first gravitational wave within 7 days.

    Comment by Max Born — November 1, 2016 @ 4:17 pm

  4. A ha ha! “The President!”

    Comment by Nobody! — November 14, 2016 @ 11:22 pm

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