Quantum Bayesian Networks

March 30, 2014

The Inflationary Quantum Computer

Filed under: Uncategorized — rrtucci @ 9:53 am

Wow-wee! Check out the following article in The Guardian:

MIT Boffins Conjecture that the Inflationary Universe is a Quantum Computer (April 1, 2014)

an excerpt:

In the past, Seth Lloyd, MIT professor of Mechanical Engineering, has conjectured that the Universe is a quantum computer.

More recently, an experiment called BICEP2 that is being conducted in the South Pole, has detected evidence of gravitational waves in the cosmic microwave background. Boffins worldwide believe this to be a smoking gun for a universe with a Big Bang beginning, followed by a brief period of extremely rapid expansion called Inflation, followed by our current, slow as molasses, rate of expansion.

So now Seth Lloyd and his two collaborators, the identical twins A. Minion and B. Minion, are adding a new wrinkle to their theory. They now claim that the inflationary universe (or, alternatively, the inflationary Everett-Linde multiverse) is a quantum computer.

According to Seth Lloyd, his inflationary theory not only solves the 3 problems which the old, fuddy-duddy inflationary models solve (viz., the horizon problem, the flatness problem, and the magnetic-monopole scarcity problem), but it also solves the conundrum of why P!=NP in our present universe.

According to Lloyd, a field of Dark Pion particles exploded 10^(-36) seconds after the Big Bang. Pions are the quanta of the field of problems that are solvable in Polynomial time. Some scientists call them polynomions (you won’t find any pictures of them under Google Images because they are so difficult to visualize, neither waves nor particles). The Dark Pion explosion ended 10^(-32) seconds after the Big Bang. The duration of this explosion is called the Lloyd inflationary period. During the Lloyd inflationary period, many of the most sacred laws of physics were violated with impunity: information traveled faster than the speed of light, energy was not conserved, even P!=NP did not hold.

Let R to be the radius of the bubble of incompressible quantum information and quantum entanglement that is our universe. Lloyd believes that during the Lloyd inflationary period, R grew at a rate far higher than the speed of light. This was possible because during that period, P=NP so the universe was able to perform calculations at a prolific, promiscuous rate, called the “Twitter Rate Upper Bound” (named after Oxford U. Prof. Robin Twitter).

Yakov B. Zeldovich once said that the Universe is the poor man’s accelerator. Lloyd likes to add that the Universe is the poor man’s inflationary quantum computer.

Alan Guth often says that cosmic inflation is the ultimate free lunch. Lloyd reflects that cosmic inflation is the ultimate free, open-source, life-giving-app of the cosmic quantum computer.



  1. Well done, good satire is often indistinguishable from reality.

    Comment by Quax — March 30, 2014 @ 7:22 pm

  2. What satire???

    Comment by rrtucci — March 30, 2014 @ 8:54 pm

  3. […] * Information processing demonstrated using a light-based chip inspired by our brain >> * Is California overdue for a big earthquake? >> * The Inflationary Quantum Computer >> […]

    Pingback by Futureseek Daily Link Review; 31 March 2014 | Futureseek Link Digest — March 30, 2014 @ 9:34 pm

  4. From the Journal of Silly Questions: THE FROG PRINCE TRANSFORMATION


    Comment by Elagnel Exterminador — April 2, 2014 @ 9:01 am

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